I was once in a relationship that made me sΓΊffer from low self-esteem and it became worse by the day.
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This guy made me feel bΓ d about myself in its entirety.
He would never forget to remind me of how fΓ t I was and how my stature was too big for my age.
"You'll have problems when you start having children because you will become too fΓ t and the weight will tell on you. If care is not taken, your legs will swell and they won't be able to carry your weight."
This was his usual anthem.
Truth be told, there were times I had wondered if he was blΓnd to my stature before chasing me around.
This was a guy who had pΓΊrsued me for months before I finally accepted his proposal.
We were engaged to be married. Arrangements were underway for our introduction ceremony, yet, he would always cΓ³mplain about my stature.
I wasn't a foodie. I ate little portions of food but just to please him, I still decided to shed some weight.
But nothing I did worked. I constantly stΓ rved myself. But instead of reducing, nothing changed.
Meanwhile, I had tons of guys who were still chΓ sing me but I wasn't paying them any attention because I was engaged to 'Mr. Complainer.'
These guys would give anything to have me but I didn't spare them a glance. I am committed like that. Once I face you, I don't have time for others.
One incident that I will never forget was when he openly Γ³gled my friend.
She had come to visit me that fateful day and my guy wouldn't stop admiring her.
He said that she had the perfect body size, structure, and stature. Her height was equally perfect and she looked absolutely gorgeous.
"Oh, she is so beautiful!"
"See how straight she is."
"Her stature is perfect!"
"She won't have problems when pregnant."
Blah blah blah
Was I green with envy? Definitely!
Was I embarrassed? Most definitely!
I felt like the ground should just open its mouth and swallow me.
I looked like a bΓ g of beans to myself.
Unconsciously, I started comparing myself with others. Forgetting that the Bible says, "... comparing themselves among themselves, are not wise." - 2 Corinthians 10:12.
I crΓΓ¨d and cΓ³mplained to my Mum on several occasions and she would always comfort me.
"Monkey no fine, but him mama like am." Meaning, even though a monkey is not comely, its mother loves it regardless.
This was just one of the many unhealthy things I sΕ«ffered in the relationship.
I lost my self-esteem. I began to see myself as not being good enough for any man.
I almost became a shadow of myself.
I thought his perspective of me represented how every other man would see me. And this made me believe that they would equally complain about my looks.
I rèsénted myself just because of what he said.
I detested my physical appearance.
I completely forgot the scripture that says, "I will praise thee; for I am fearfully and wonderfully made: marvellous are thy works; and that my soul knoweth right well." - Psalm 139:14.
I tried so much to look 'presentable' to him, all to no avail. There was always something to complain about in my looks.
A time came when I couldn't stomach all he was doing (or not doing) and saying to me.
I called it quit because it was a very tΓΈxΔ«c relationship.
I crΓΓ¨d to my Mum again.
"Mum, will I ever find a man that would marry me because of my stature?"
She comforted me as usual, but this time around, she said something that struck a cord in me.
"See, your God-ordained husband will love everything about you. Even if there are any defects in your looks, he will love and cherish you. Go and write today's date down. God will bring that man that will love and cherish you."
That became my anchor.
I held on to these words.
All these happened in 2007. The first picture was taken in 2010.
In 2009, I met my Darling Husband.
Although he didn't propose to me until 2010, he has never for once cΓ³mplained about my looks or stature.
Rather, he compliments me every now and again. He is the real-life definition of 'prophecy come true.'
It played out exactly as my Mum had said. It was as though my mother spoke him into being.
I still had a measure of insecurity and low self-esteem when I met him.
I would talk down on myself and my husband would be like, "Are you kidding me? Your stature is perfect for me."
Men and brethren, I have been married for over a decade now and have carried pregnancies.
There was never a time that my legs were too weak to carry me during pregnancy.
I wore heels during pregnancy. I never had swollen feet or legs at all. I didn't vΓ³mit or spit. None of such things happened to me.
I have even added a little weight compared to when I wasn't married but my husband still adores me.
Looking back at everything, quitting that tΓΈxic relationship was one of the best decisions I have ever taken in life.
Eleven years in marriage and I glow like never before.
My self-esteem has been restored. I no longer have insecurity issues or inferiority complex.
Women GLOW DIFFERENTLY when they are LOVED RIGHT and TREATED PROPERLY!
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Why did I share this?
✓ Never allow whatever nΓ©gative words anyone has spoken about you to obliterate the real you!
✓What God says about you takes precedence over whatever anyone says about you. Believe God's report about you.
✓Don't be afraid to quit that time-wasting and tΓΈxΔ«c relationship. If you don't throw it into the trashcan, you won't be able to access the glorious one that God has in store for you.
✓Give yourself permission to walk from the hurt of the known, to the bliss of the unknown!
✓One man's trash, is another man's treasure. God will settle you with that man or woman who will love everything about you.
✓Godly relationships are meant to make you thrive and not make you question your own sanity or mess up with your mental health.
✓Everything God made is beautiful. Don't give anyone the power to take your beauty away from you. You're wonderfully made!
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Dear Abba's Daughter, God is bringing your way the man who will love you for who you are.
Are you short, tall, fΓ t, slΓm, fair in complexion or dark?
He will love and cherish you.
Do you have long or short hair?
Pointed or not-so-pointed nose?
High cheekbones or low ones?
Big breasts or small ones?
Big buttocks or small ones?
Hot legs or cold ones?
Whatever your body type or shape, there's a man for you. He will love you, honour, cherish and adore you. He will worship the very ground that you walk on.
Only one thing, be sure that you depend on God to help you make the right choice maritally.
You will sing "See what the LORD has done!"
Having a Godly, Healthy, and Blissful Marriage is possible!
May God give us Christian Homes, Amen!
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written by coach debby
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